For One So Young

It's quite extraordinary how consistently full of crap I am. I say that I want to live a big, bold, daring and creative life. I want to build things and try things and fail and learn how to fix it myself. I want to be my own bike mechanic and I want to run my own business.

I want the struggle and I applaud myself for it. "So much wisdom for one so young, *self-satisfied sigh* .... ".

I understand that the fight is the whole point. 

And I want it.

I want the fight.

I want it, but I want it like an accessory.

I want to wear it on top of an otherwise easy and functional life, a life where my bills get paid and I'm in a happy relationship and I have great friends and I NEVER GET FLAT TIRES.

Today, on the way into the Green Garage?

Two flat tires.


As in, la luh la luh la, biking, biking, biking. Oh dear, I have a flat.

20 minutes. Greasy hands. Sweating in my fancy clothes designed to impress people.

Finally, back on my bike.

Two more miles, think to myself "I'm glad that whole tire business is over with, what a beautiful fall day its ..."

Three blocks from the garage and then?

Another flat tire.

So now I know it's not just a flat, it's something systematic is going wrong. And now, instead of a quick tube change (something I know how to do), I have to try and figure out what is causing these consistent flats - something I DO NOT know how to do.

I don't wan't this kind of creativity, yo.

This is hard and annoying.

"So much being completely-full-of-shit for one so young, *lots-of-work-left-to-do sigh* ...".