Yesterday morning I ran a 5k with my family, which was kind of bitter sweet.
The sweet: it was the first time I set a race goal beyond just finishing it. I set a goal to finish in under 30 minutes, and really pushed myself to make it. I watched the time and adjusted my form throughout the race, reminding myself to lift my knees higher, to pump my arms intentionally. It felt good to be engaged in the race, to be competing against myself.
The bitter: I finished in 31:06. Nads. That's not even really that close, not in a short race. I ran a 10 minute mile pace, almost exactly. I'll have to take that down to 9:30 in order to make it under the 30 minute mark.
Ah well, another opportunity for continuous improvement.
Any who, this post isn't about running - it's about what happened after.
When I got home I was pretty pooped and laid on the floor in our living room to watch a movie.
Erin, though, being about the most driven person I know, was instantly in work mode. If it was up to her, we would have started work immediately.
She was very nice and didn't make me feel bad for watching the movie - she was clear, though: we had to get right to work after, because time was a tickin and Chaplin pants don't make themselves.
And she was right. We worked on that costume for the next 8 hours, more or less none stop, and barely got them done. In fact, they are currently in my bedroom awaiting a hem that I could not bring myself to sew last night at 11pm.
It was so worth it, though. When when we finally got it right and she put those pants on - it blew me away. It was funny just to look at her, I can't wait to see what happens when she actually starts clowning around in them.
That moment we finished, when I stepped back and looked at her, the way I felt in that moment - it's one of my favorite feelings. To stand back, arms crossed, and enjoy something we created, something that didn't used to exist in the universe, something that exists for only one reason: because we decided to make it.
I love love love it.
And of course, that feeling is born out of frustration and work and sweat and a whole bunch of mistakes made along the way.
Which is why sometimes I choose a movie instead.
Creation hurts sometimes and is frustrating and you never get out of it without a few mistakes.
Consumption feels nice in the moment and you never feel bad and it's easy and it rarely leads to any kind of fulfillment.