The Clipboard

I've heard this warning from a number of wise people: "Whenever you begin to have even a small amount of success, there will be a part of you that feels like a fraud. You'll begin to worry that you're actually full of crap and that any moment now people are going to find out about. They're going to come to your apartment and shut this whole operation down.  

I totally live with that fear.


Things are going well: I enjoy my work; I have time to sleep and time to cook and time to spend with my friends. I can work from almost anywhere which means I can go on trips, or just go to Flint for the afternoon. Currently I have two supervisors, and they are two of my best friends.


I get paid to work on meaningful projects with my friends.


What now? How can this be?


I love my life, and somewhere deep inside of me, I think that means that I'm doing something wrong.


I must be cheating.


A man with a clipboard is coming for me.


Except, of course he's not.


I'm not doing anything wrong. In fact, this is great. Great for me and great for the world. I have a good time, and the world gets me - on fire, doing work I live, contributing to me community.


Why, oh why, do we react this way? What is the possibility utility of such a feeling?


I have no idea. All I know is that I best get comfortable with this feeling, because I'm never going back. This is it, for keeps.