I should know better than to make a grand proclamation on Monday regarding what I'll be writing all week. That's just asking God to show up and remind me: you're not in charge here, missy. Always newness, always surprise.
And so, I'm postponing the 22K post - it's an idea I really love and I want to give it the time and attention is deserves. It would not get that tonight, because tonight I'm completely preoccupied by the other half of this post's title - the distraction part.
It's Tuesday night at 9:22 pm, and I am exhausted from fear and stress. Erin and I have been working on The Pie Car today, and oh, my, word. It kicked my butt. My amygdala had its way with me today. All during our rehearsal I was fretting and worrying that this whole would-be-brilliant project was going to fall in on my head.
I write (or at least try to) a lot of pretty words about making art, about being brave, about making your own way in the world, about living in the Connection Economy. I usually mention that it's hard and scary - I don't think I do it justice, though.
Here's a cross section of my thoughts this afternoon: everything is going wrong, we're not going to learn these songs in time, we don't have enough rehearsal time, why didn't we start earlier?, we should cancel some of the shows, I can't wait for this whole thing to be over, nobody is going to come to the show, I'm going to be embarrassed, where are we going to get 4 banquet tables?, Erin is going to be disappointed, everyone who raised their eyebrows at us was right, I'm not as cool as I think I am, I can't do this, I can't sing, I need to stop setting myself up for failure this way, the food is going to be terrible, my parents are going to be mad at me, this is a disaster ... the sky is falling!
Is that really the crap I'm going to have to put up with every time I try and make a ruckus in the world?
Sadly, I think the answer is yes. I don't think you ever get to quiet the voice, I think you just get to ignore it. I'm lucky enough to have some beautiful people in my life who remind me to ignore it: thank you to Erin and Bjorn for their support today.
Surround yourself with people who will remind you of two things: 1) who you are and 2) why you do your work. Surround yourself with people who will help you ignore the voice. Please do, because we need your work. We need you to ignore the voice.